i am proud of myself.
in the past week i've had my moral standards and tolerance for intrapersonal relationships tested, and i handled them the way i said i would - i would not suffer over what wasn't worth the loss, nor fight for something lacking integrity.
i feel like i have to preface this with saying some of my best friends are people i've established connections with over music. i've always assumed these people understood me best, because of the bond we shared. i have learned that this indeed was true, and the validity of this was tested by the people i realized that there was no connection, not even though the music. i fooled myself into thinking there was a connection because i identify meeting someone on behalf of music and connecting with someone through music.
i will never feel sorry for ending any connection with a human being who is inconsiderate. i will never feel sorry for telling a human being that they are inconsiderate and that they are responsible and deserving of everything that has ever happened and will happen to them, because that is how karma works. i will never feel sorry for telling a person that they indeed are not worth my time, but because of the kind of person i am i will indeed waste my time and theirs to clear my conscious of them by dispelling on them the ugly truth of whom they are.
it really does take a lot out of me to deal with situations as ugly as this. but it will never take as much out of me as it does to allow myself to be vulnerable and accessible to a person who will not be sensitive to my needs and desires as a human being.
all this being said, no i DON'T enjoy kicking people out of my life. but i will certainly do it, because i am putting myself first as of this year. i am and was not made to solely please. if you cannot meet my low standard of reality, truth and honesty, then i will show you the door. you are not necessary. i can, have, and will get along just fine without you in my life. i don't need you. don't ever trick yourself into thinking that i do.
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"it really does take a lot out of me to deal with situations as ugly as this. but it will never take as much out of me as it does to allow myself to be vulnerable and accessible to a person who will not be sensitive to my needs and desires as a human being."
ReplyDeleteThat is what you were talking about last night on the phone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with staying true to who you are and surrounding yourself with those who are like-minded and equally considerate. I'm proud of your strength and courage to stand up for yourself and to staying true to the best situations that would be good for you. You're such a light and beautiful girl. You only deserve to surround yourself with beautiful light filled people and lead by examples by simply - just being your loving selves.